


Three Little Words

by They Call Me the Cavalry (BadassNinja)



Series: Voicemails and Missed Calls [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: #AndrewLives, F/M, post episode 3x04, sorry for the angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-28
Updated: 2015-10-28
Packaged: 2018-04-28 15:27:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5095751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadassNinja/pseuds/They%20Call%20Me%20the%20Cavalry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post episode 3x04 scene of the aftermath of Ward's actions affecting May. Did Andrew die? Or did he?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three Little Words

****

The dial tone sounded in her ear as she waited desperately for him to pick up. She hoped, pleaded and begged for him to answer. To hear the soothing tones of his voice not from a voicemail.

Sitting on the bed with her knee jiggling nervously, she closed her eyes trying to blink back the on rush of tears. She didn’t know how many times she’d called now, but every time it was the same, “hi this is Andrew Garner please leave a message.” Maybe it was false hope, maybe she just wasn’t ready to accept it, or maybe she couldn’t.

She didn’t know.

There was so many things that she didn’t know, so many things that she didn’t say, so many things that she wished she had. Their last conversation is seared into her brain, the regret and guilt is overwhelming at how they left things. All the loose ends she left behind along with the half finished conversations. She blames herself, blames herself for all of it. He died because of her.

He died because of her…

He died…

He died...

He’s dead.

That is the moment that she falls apart. The broken pieces of her heart shattering on the floor like glass. There is an ache in her chest and she gasps for air like she can’t breathe. She can’t. Tears track down her cheeks as she begins to sob, her shoulders shaking as she finally lets all her emotions spill over.

She’s never been good at expressing her emotions, preferring to bury them deep inside herself than allowing the world to see. She has to be strong she believes, for the sake of the team, for the sake of everyone else. The team relies on her and the world relies on them. But for once, alone, with no one there to see, Melinda May lets herself fall apart. Gives her toxic emotions the chance to drain out and leave her empty to start again.

Her hand begins to hurt as she clutches her phone like a lifeline, her grip painful in a crushing death grip. She’s quiet as she cries, doesn’t wail or scream, just sobs quietly allowing the sobs to wrack her slight frame. She wants to punch a wall until she’s numb just so that she doesn’t have to feel. Then she just wants to curl up into a ball and ignore the rest of the world as it goes by. Her grief is overwhelming and it is one of the rare emotions that she has no idea how to handle. Rage, pain, betrayal. Those are emotions she can deal with, mine and convert into fuel. But grief? It tears her apart leaving her in shreds and gasping for air.

She thinks that she should be used to it by now, considering her profession, but every time it’s like a suckerpunch leaving her crumpled and broken on the ground. It’s like a never ending vicious cycle that she can’t seem to break free from. Someone close to her is lost, she breaks, spends years trying to put herself back together, and finally, when she thinks just maybe things might be alright… It starts again and she gets that suckerpunch of grief, wiping her out and shattering her pieces more than the last time. Every time it feels worse than the last, the pieces of herself more broken than the last, and the time taken to put herself back together so much longer than the last.

The screen of her phone is blurred by the tears in her eyes as she curses. Curses him, curses herself, curses Ward. But it all makes no difference. No matter how hard she screams, how much she curses or how many times she calls, it all make no difference. It’s pointless. A dead end. She should know better than to keep trying, the chances were slim anyway, but… She had to. She had to try, she couldn’t give up. She couldn’t give up on him, not like she had before, and now it’s too late. He’s gone and it’s her fault. He was just a pawn. It had always been her. He hadn’t been the target, not really. It was her, she was the target. But why him! Her heart screams. Why? Why couldn’t they have just taken her life instead? God knows she deserved to die more than he did. And she hates herself for it.

First her father, now Andrew. She doesn’t know if she can live with herself if another person gets hurt because of her. Who’s next? she asks herself. Phil? Daisy? God she hopes not. But if she’s being honest she’s not sure how much hope she has left. Her chest feels too tight and her eyes are tired and puffy from crying. The tears have stopped for the moment but she feels like they could start up again at any given moment. She’s tired and empty, feeling drained by her grief.

It’s ironic really, all the times that he’d called when he feared she might be dead and she never called him back. It’s like some hideous trick of fate. He’d always called and she’d never picked up, never returned his calls.

And now she’s too late.

Too late to pick up the phone.

Too late to call him back.

Too late to save him.

Everything she does now is too late. She missed her opportunity and now she’s missed him. She’s lost him and she misses him. Misses all the opportunities that they had but she never took. All the loose ends that they left unfinished and the words gone unsaid. She wishes she could go back and put things right the way that they should be. Wishes that she could tell him the words she should have said but didn’t have the courage to. Wishes she could have told him that she loves him instead of having believe that they’d lost their last chance. If only she could’ve just said those three little words.

Those three little words...

****  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Very angsty and I'm sorry but I couldn't help myself. I ship May with Andrew and Coulson (separately) but ultimately I just want her to be happy. I don't think Marvel would kill Andrew but you can't trust them. Anyway I was just feeling sad and this happened so I hope you enjoyed it. I also just watched the latest episode and the promo and they said Andrew's dead but I refuse to believe until I see him place in a body bag or six feet under ground. T_T As always comments are greatly appreciated so please tell me what you thought or even if you just want to talk AoS or Melinda May or whatever.


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